Moving In With a Roommate: The Shared vs. Personal Checklist
Share one-per-apartment items like the couch, kitchen gear, and router; keep bedding, towels, and toiletries personal; and discuss the TV, decor, and guest rules first.
Every roommate horror story starts the same way: something nobody talked about. Two couches nobody measured, one set of towels everybody used, a TV that walked out mid-lease with its owner. The fix is one mental model — everything you're bringing is either shared, personal, or discuss-first — and sorting it before the truck is loaded, not after.
Shared: one per apartment
Duplicates here waste money and space. Decide who brings (or who buys) exactly one of each, and write down whose is whose.
- The fridge staples setup — shared condiments, a brita-style pitcher if you use one, and a plan for whose shelf is whose
- The couch — one couch. Two couches in a first apartment is a furniture traffic jam
- Kitchen gear — one set of pots and pans, one toaster, one coffee maker, one knife-and-cutting-board setup
- Cleaning supplies — one caddy of all-purpose cleaner, bathroom cleaner, sponges, and a vacuum or broom you both can use
- The wifi router — one router, one plan, and a clear answer on whose name the bill is in
Personal: everyone brings their own
Anything that touches your body or lives in your room stays yours. Sharing these is how friendships end.
- Bedding — your mattress, sheets, pillows, and comforter are yours alone, forever
- Towels — bath and hand towels, ideally in a color that isn't your roommate's color
- Toiletries — shampoo, toothpaste, skincare. 'Borrowing' toiletries is the fastest route to a passive-aggressive sticky note
- Chargers and electronics — label yours. Identical white cables are the number-one source of low-grade roommate suspicion
Discuss first: neither shared nor personal until you talk
These aren't obvious either way, which is exactly why they cause fights. Ten minutes of conversation now saves months of silent resentment.
- The TV — whose is it, where does it live, and what happens to it if one of you moves out
- Decor style — the living room belongs to both of you; agree on the vibe before anyone hangs a giant tapestry
- Guest rules — overnight guests, partners who slowly move in, and how much notice is fair
The five conversations to have before move-in day
None of these are fun, and all of them are easier now than after the first fight. Have them over food, keep them short, and write the answers somewhere you both can see.
- Chores — who does what, how often, and what 'clean' actually means to each of you (this varies more than you think)
- Bills — who pays which bill, whose name is on what, and the day of the month money changes hands
- Quiet hours — class schedules, work shifts, and when headphones become mandatory
- Guests — how often is fine, overnight rules, and the partner-who-basically-lives-here threshold
- Groceries — fully separate, fully shared, or shared staples only. There is no wrong answer, only an undiscussed one
Splitting the costs
Shared stuff means shared money, and "we'll figure it out" is not a system. Decide up front whether big shared purchases are split 50/50, who keeps what at the end, and how rent should divide if one bedroom is clearly better than the other. The roommate cost-split guide walks through the fair ways to do all three — including the unequal-bedrooms math.
What happens if someone leaves early
Talk about this while you still like each other. If you're both on one lease, most leases make each of you responsible for the full rent — not your half — so a roommate who bails can leave you holding the whole bill. Agree now on what happens: how much notice, who finds the replacement, and what happens to the deposit and the shared couch. If you're students, the college lease checklist explains joint-and-several liability in plain English before you sign anything.